because
say this
Put off / on
ask
Are those words building up — or tearing down?
Did she say stop?
Is she having fun too?
ask
TRY A CARD
Eighty-nine cards. One for nearly every hard moment a home produces. Heart training for the moment you are in.
Script Book
For the mother who does not know what to say in the moment
PUT ON — READING THE ROOM
Words should build up, as fits the occassion, and give grace to those who hear.
PUT OFF — MAKING SPORT OF ANOTHER
because
say this
Put off / on
ask
Sarcasm that cuts is not wit. It is a tool for taking someone apart.
The Exchange
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because
say this
Put off / on
ask
"There is no place for this in our home. Playful humor is one thing, but the moment it is at someone's expense, it stops being funny. No means no, the first time. Stop means stop, the first time. A family that honors the LORD honors one another."
Say This
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because
say this
Put off / on
ask
Jesus never used His words to cut down. He speaks life over us, even while we were still His enemies, He loved us first and gave himself for us. That is the mouth we are learning to have.
Because
TRY A CARD
Know What to Say. Shepherd Their Hearts. Point Them to Jesus.
You know the moment
Not compliance. You already know compliance is not the thing.
One child just cut the other down and laughed about it. Someone is lying to your face. The whining has been going for six minutes and your patience run out at two.
You reached for the words. What comes out is the same things you said yesterday, in the same tired tone. You correct the behavior. The behavior comes back. You correct again.
Underneath the exhaustion is a question you rarely have time to finish: What am I even aiming for here?
You want the fruit to grow from the inside, the conviction that holds when you are not in the room. You want the words coming out of your mouth to disciple your child, not merely manage her. You have wanted help knowing what to say, and the why underneath what you are asking, so it becomes conviction that grows in her rather than behavior you police.
That's the reason this book exists.
A diagnostic that lets her answer, not an accusation that makes her hide. The teaching happens here.
The question
First
Name the exchange out loud. This comes off. This goes on. Say both, plainly.
Put off, put on
Then
The actual words to say, printed for you, so the right thing is already in your mouth.
The script
Then
Every correction rooted in what Christ already did, so the moment leads to him.
The because
Always
Flip to the issue in front of you. The card walks you through the moment , so you are not composing it mid-conflict.
WHAT EACH CARD GIVES YOU
Once to your child, in words she will grow into long before she can define them. And once to you, in a note written at the bottom of the card, just for the mother holding it.
Your child is the occasion. You are the student. This book teaches you the why while you teach her the moment.
Every card teaches twice.
THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU
"Go after this one hard. Nothing dismantles a family faster than sport made at each other's expense. Teach her to read the room. Teach her that her own 'stop' will be honored, the first time. That is how she learns to honor someone else's."
mom — the note under the card
She does not do this to be loved. She does it because she already is. So do you.
There is one card to read on the day the method fails. The day you lose your temper on the card about not losing your temper.
Without it, this book is only law: a program for producing a well-behaved child who is either proud she managed it or crushed that she did not. With it, the whole thing turns. The putting off and putting on stops being how she earns love. It becomes what love looks like once she already has it.
When You Cannot
the card that holds up all the others
Twenty-five issues. Eighty-nine cards. One in front of you when you need it.
ALPHABETICAL, SO YOU FIND IT FAST
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HEART TRAINING FOR THE MOMENT YOU ARE IN
Not to become good enough. But, because you are already loved.
You will not do this well every time. Neither will she. That is not the failure of the method. That is the reason for it.
Flip to the issue. Say the words. Try again.